Imposter syndrome creeping in…
Hi everyone! I have a different type of topic this week.
If you follow me on Twitter, you may have recently seen that I have been promoted. My new role will require a ramp in responsibility and leadership.
I am over the moon - I am really proud of what I have been able to achieve. This new promotion will also really increase my chances of achieving FIRE at a relatively young age. I am looking forward to the challenge.
Sounds like I am super confident right?
Hmm…
Not really. I am a person who is constantly questioning myself. Am I good enough? Should it have been me who got promoted? Am I going to mess this up? The list goes on.
I used to think that it was just me that felt like this. Making me even more self conscious in my day to day job. Constantly thinking that someone was going to question my ability and being afraid that I was going to be “found out”. However, I have since read that this can be totally normal and it can actually be a good thing to have some level of imposter syndrome. I for one would rather have some level of self doubt than to have a “know it all” attitude.
I mean even Albert Einstein is thought to have experienced imposter syndrome. Einstein is reported as saying to a friend that “the exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.”
In my case, I think the imposter syndrome comes from the pressure I put on myself along with working with so many talented people within my industry. I compare myself to the best and those most experienced in each specialist subject. I also come from a family who are very results driven so there is some level of expectation to succeed. I sometimes wonder how I managed to fall into the career I am working in and question whether my job reflects the true me.
I now embark on a new role with increased responsibility so there is no surprise that I feel as if I might not be good enough. Particularly when I am quite young to be performing the role (my equivalent peers are circa. >10 years my senior). But it begs the question - does everyone not feel this way when they start a new job or role? Really what I am doing is pushing myself outside of my comfort zone to do something I have not done before. Without this, I would not grow as a person and in my career. With experience comes confidence. I need to remind myself that it will take some time to become comfortable with the “new norm” but once I get my feet under the table I will become more at ease with what I need to do. Plus, at the end of the day, if they didn’t think I was capable, they wouldn’t have given me the job - would they?
It feels like a constant internal battle with my demons where I am my own councillor.
I know it might sound as if I have cracked it but I can assure you that I have not. I am just trying to become more aware of it and realise that this is normal. Some key points to remind yourself if you ever feel the same way (this is also a reminder for me):
Talk to your peers and superiors - particularly if you feel you can approach them. It is highly likely that they have experienced imposter syndrome also.
Recognise your expertise - there will be aspects of your subject area that you are very smart at and others that you are less so. This is normal and you should identify these.
Realise that no one is perfect - we are not robots. Learn to celebrate your successes.
Change your thinking - instead of being defensive where you feel you lack experience, be open about it. Conversely, be confident when you know a subject well and don’t dwell on doubting yourself. Don’t be intimidated - by being open you will develop more.
For me, the first step was opening up to this idea. It has felt like a weight has lifted off my shoulders.
